Grief is the emotional response to a loss, typically that of a loved one. Grief can encompass many different emotions — sadness, anger, guilt — as well as have significant mental and physical impacts on those suffering from it. Many people are familiar with the five stages of grief that Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross coined in her book 'On Death and Dying' more than 50 years ago. She theorised that people working through grief follow a particular pattern:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
While this provides a basic framework for understanding grief, researchers have since expanded on the Kübler-Ross model to account for the highly individualised nature of grief. Many people experience these stages in a different order, or they may not experience all of them, and feelings of grief can recur throughout a person’s life.
Some people naturally resolve or figure out how to manage their grief over time. For many others, these emotions persist and can have severe negative impacts on their lives. The purpose of grief counselling is to help people navigate this complex process and learn how to grieve in a healthy way.
What Is Grief Counselling?
Accepting loss and dealing with the emotions that come with it can be a painful process. While many people are able to work through grief on their own, others struggle to cope and may need professional assistance in the form of counselling. Grief counselling is a form of counselling that is designed to help people work through the various stages and emotions of grief following a loss. Counselling can help individuals avoid some of the more acute manifestations of grief and process their emotions in a healthy manner. According to psychologist William Worden, the following are the main objectives of grief counselling:
Accept the Loss
One of the first and most critical steps in working through grief is coming to terms with the reality of a loss. Denial is a natural response, allowing individuals to pace their grief and the pain that comes with it. However, to truly cope with grief and heal, individuals must learn to acknowledge their loss.
Work Through the Pain
Many people respond to a loss and the ensuing grief by trying to avoid it and suppress their emotions. This only compounds their suffering. An essential part of managing grief is experiencing the pain that comes from it and persevering.
Adjust to Life
When people experience grief, it’s generally because they lost someone or something that was a huge part of their lives. Adapting to a loss can be extremely challenging and can even feel like a betrayal. This reasoning can leave people feeling stuck. Grief counselling can help individuals reorient and restructure their lives after a loss.
Maintain a Connection
While accepting a loss and adjusting to life after it are essential steps in the grief process, it’s also important to maintain a connection to what was lost. When a loved one dies, for example, it can be helpful for the bereaved to remember the happiness that person brought instead of focusing only on the pain of the person’s absence.
Types of Grief
While it’s generally associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also stem from other traumatic experiences, such as the loss of a job or the end of a relationship, and these can be felt just as acutely. Additionally, grief can take many different forms, including the following:
Complicated grief is a type of grief in which the symptoms are persistent (lasting up to a year or longer) and intense, making it hard for sufferers to function normally. People experiencing complicated grief may feel hopeless or detached and are preoccupied with thoughts of who or what they’ve lost. Estimates vary, but, between 5 and 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief.
Maladaptive grief is a type of grief in which individuals are consumed by their loss and attempt to cope in ways that are harmful. They may try to avoid reminders of what they’ve lost or engage in self-destructive behaviours.
Depression is one of the stages of grief. Certain symptoms of grief, such as anxiety or hopelessness, can look like depression, but they’re different. Grief-stricken people may experience depression, which can make the grieving process worse. Signs of depression include trouble sleeping, fatigue, and poor appetite, along with feelings of self-pity or loneliness.
Benefits of Grief Counselling
Grief counselling isn’t some miracle cure for dealing with loss. It won’t help the bereaved forget about a deceased loved one or avoid the pain of loss. Instead, it can help the bereaved understand, accept, and manage emotions to live a full life.
The numerous benefits of grief counselling include the following:
Reduces Anxiety, Guilt, and Depression
Grief counselling can help individuals manage anxiety and avoid depression by providing them with strategies to work through their emotions constructively. Feelings of guilt are also common for the grief stricken. They may feel guilty about things they did or didn’t do when their loved one was alive, or for not mourning enough. Counselling can help overcome these feelings.
Helps People Understand the Grieving Process
Understanding the stages of grief and loss allows individuals to more fully tap into their thoughts and emotions, opening a path to healing. Grief counsellors can help patients understand this process.
Reminds People There’s More Than One Way to Grieve
People dealing with grief may feel like they’re doing it wrong — that they’re not sad enough or that they’ve been grieving too long — but there’s no “right” way to grieve. Counselling reminds people of this and helps them recognise that every person’s experience is unique.
Helps People Honour the Deceased Without Trauma
Allowing people to express their thoughts and feelings about a deceased loved one is a vital part of the grieving process, and it’s important they be able to do this without experiencing further trauma. Counselling can provide patients with a safe space to talk about the deceased and honour the deceased’s memory, which can be a tremendous source of comfort and relief.
Helps People Understand That Grief Can Be Caused by Different Kinds of Loss
Though grief is traditionally associated with the death of someone close, people may grieve for many different reasons, such as losing a pet, going through a divorce, moving away from family and friends, or being diagnosed with a terminal illness. Counselling can help people give themselves permission to grieve over such things.
Different Grief Counselling Techniques and Interventions
Many different methods can help individuals work through loss. Each person’s grief journey is unique, and thus a wide variety of grief counselling techniques and interventions are available to help guide them.
Talk Therapy
One of the more common counselling tools, talk therapy involves people talking through their emotions and discussing their loss. A grief counsellor can provide a safe space for patients to talk about their deceased loved one, helping them maintain a connection to the person they’ve lost.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), individuals attempt to identify and alter thought patterns that negatively influence their behaviour. A grief counsellor can help patients recognise and explore these thoughts and develop strategies to lessen the impact they have on their lives.
Mindfulness
Individuals engaged in mindfulness — whether through meditation or some other practice — focus on the present moment to become more aware of their thoughts and emotions. Practicing mindfulness can help people ground themselves and work through the complex and overwhelming emotions of grief. A recent study in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience revealed that mindfulness practices can help reduce symptoms of grief and improve emotional resilience following a loss.
Complicated Grief Treatment
Between 5% and 10% of bereaved people experience complicated grief, wherein feelings of grief persist and become overwhelming. Complicated Grief Treatment (CGT) can help patients work through these emotions and adjust to life after a loss. CGT revolves around seven core themes.
Understanding and accepting grief
Managing emotional pain
Planning for the future
Strengthening existing relationships
Telling the story of the loss
Learning to live with reminders
Creating a connection to memories of the deceased
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) can help individuals accept negative emotions and the reality of their loss so they can move forward. Using ACT, counsellors help clients distance themselves from their emotions and experiences to better examine and understand them. By focusing on their own values and goals for the future, patients can then convert that understanding into action to work through their grief.
Understanding the various types of grief and the five stages of grief can provide valuable insights for working with individuals navigating grief. It's essential to recognise that grief is a deeply personal journey, and each person may move through these stages in their own time and way. As a counsellor, my role is to offer support, empathy, and guidance as individuals find their path towards healing and eventual acceptance. Together, we can navigate the depths of grief and work towards a future of renewed hope and resilience. If you are in need of Grief Counselling in Adelaide, don't hesitate to contact Carly at Thrive Counselling Solutions Adelaide.
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