Family dynamics play a significant role in shaping our identities, behaviours, and emotional well-being. Two roles that often emerge in dysfunctional families are the "scapegoat" and the "golden child." These roles can profoundly impact individuals well into adulthood, influencing their self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental health. In this blog post, we will explore what it means to be the scapegoat or golden child in a family, how these roles develop, and how counselling can help individuals heal from the effects of these dynamics.
What Is the Scapegoat Role?
The scapegoat is the family member who is unfairly blamed for the family’s problems. This role often falls on a child who is perceived as different from the rest of the family, whether due to their temperament, interests, or behaviour. The scapegoat might be more sensitive, outspoken, or rebellious, which can make them a target for the family’s frustration and unresolved issues.
In many cases, the scapegoat is criticised, punished, or ostracised, regardless of their actual behaviour. This constant blame can lead the scapegoat to internalise a sense of guilt, shame, or unworthiness. As they grow older, scapegoats may struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, and difficulties in forming healthy relationships. However, some scapegoats also develop a strong sense of resilience and independence, as they learn to challenge the dysfunction in their family and seek out healthier environments.
What Is the Golden Child Role?
In contrast, the golden child is often the favoured family member who is idealised and held up as a standard of perfection. This child receives praise, attention, and special privileges, often because they are seen as a reflection of the parent’s own aspirations or self-worth. The golden child is placed on a pedestal, and their successes are often celebrated to an exaggerated degree.
While being the golden child might seem like a privileged position, it comes with its own set of challenges. The pressure to maintain this image of perfection can be overwhelming, leading to fear of failure and an inability to express their true self. Golden children may suppress their own needs and emotions to continue receiving approval, which can result in difficulties with self-expression and authentic relationships later in life.
Additionally, golden children may experience guilt or confusion if they recognise the unfair treatment of their scapegoat sibling. This awareness can create internal conflict, as they struggle with their privileged position and the desire for a more balanced and genuine connection with their family.
How Do These Roles Impact Family Dynamics?
The roles of scapegoat and golden child are often a manifestation of the parents’ unmet needs or unresolved issues. These roles can create a divide within the family, leading to resentment, jealousy, and misunderstanding between siblings. The parent or parents may unconsciously use these roles to manage their own emotions, but the result is a distorted family structure that hinders genuine connection and emotional health.
For example, the scapegoat may feel alienated and carry deep-seated feelings of inadequacy, while the golden child may feel trapped by the pressure to be perfect. Both roles can lead to long-term emotional struggles, making it difficult for individuals to develop a healthy sense of self and maintain balanced relationships.
How Can Counselling Help?
For adults who grew up in families with these dynamics, counselling can be a powerful tool for healing. Counselling provides a safe space to explore and understand the impact of these childhood experiences on their current lives. Through counselling, individuals can work on dismantling harmful beliefs about themselves, such as feelings of guilt, shame, or unworthiness, and begin to develop a healthier sense of self.
Counselling also offers strategies for building stronger, more authentic relationships. Individuals can learn to break free from the patterns of blame, guilt, or perfectionism that may have defined their family dynamics. By addressing these deep-seated issues, they can find greater emotional freedom and resilience, allowing them to lead more fulfilling lives.
The scapegoat and golden child dynamics can have lasting effects on individuals well into adulthood. Recognising and understanding these roles is the first step towards healing and breaking free from the constraints of these family dynamics. If you or someone you know is struggling with the impact of these roles, seeking counselling can provide the support and guidance needed to move towards a healthier, more authentic life. Contact Carly from Thrive Counselling Solutions Adelaide for more information or to make an appointment.
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